LOST.

IM so FREAKIN LOST. .and freaked out. BLAH.

My song.

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it okay.. I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
They lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok.. I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever I know we were Yeah, yeah
And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
Yeah
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it ok.. I miss you

I absolutly love it!

And to you.

This is what my face looks like. Imagine it. =} ! Thanks for making me feel like someone cares about me. haha.

ps. love the song. .. what is it?

my life hurts

its like people, friends.. think sometimes that you dont have a fricken care in the world.

im so over all this bull, i just wanna be me and be happy with that.

you really have no idea

I really have no idea.

-Movies with Justin to see Chuch & Larry.. then sleep im sure.

SummerTimee

- So its summer, when your supposed to tan, and get dark everyday ... but it rains ... everday.This sucks.

- My tonsils are getting MUCH better!! =]. Im honestly ready to begin eating again... im just waiting for this pain to go AWAYYY! (i want a big juicy hamburger like CRAZY!)

- I know this is odd for me but i cant wait til school starts im ready to have some responsibility back in my life! Plus i have a pretty easy schedule, which is overly exciting. haha.

- Im ready to start moving out and i cant because of this stupid surgery rules stuff.

- I think ive caught up on my rest. finally. its time to screw that up again... andd stay out/go out!

Last night.. Today

Last night = Was completely the worst night of my life. ... I get home from the movies which was fun (saw License to Wed, so cute!) but... when i got home my throat was basically about to kill me, my ears were pounding, it was terrible. BLAH! Not to mention it was a painful and SLEEPLESS night thanks to my tonsils =]. anyway.. thats all i have to say. good bye.

Today= Pretty good. all i have to say is dont give up on faith, because when you least expect it .. it suprises you.. and today, that happened for me.

Recovering..

So surgery sucked. But i was really excited going into it, not only from the "dont care" medicine, but my nurses name was JACI! how crazy is that! i mean really.. how often does it happen you get a nurse with the same name as you.. esp JACI.. because apparently no one in baton rouge has heard of that name before. BLAH!

RECOVERING= PAIN.
The first 2 days i didnt even want to drink water, basically the only thing going into my body was the pain medicine + antibiotics. disgusting right?
Day 3 was a little better i ate a popsicle.. and drank a half a glass of water.
Day 4 I acttuallyyyyy ate 2 peices of bread, 2 cinnamon rolls, a popsicle, and drank SOME water.
Day 5.. i still have yet to eat or drink. BLAH. thats bad when in 5 days you can actually count everything youve eatin.
I have to meet again with my doctor on tuesday morning. I still cant talk because my tounge is like confused and doesnt know how to move because for some odd reason its still numb.
I have lost almost 10 pounds already.. AH! thats REDICULOUS!
Honestly. i just want to start eating normal food, talking NORMALY, doing normal things.. haha. its dumb.

SO... the highlight of my week wasssss CODI ! So she had call backs Friday the 13th, and she made the squad! I love it! yay! CONGRATS!

For now, thats all i have to say, im going to get back to watching my movies, and sleeping. Wonderful.

Surgery

So Surgery is in like... 8 and a half hours.. cant drink after 12. .. eating was over at 9. EW! im so freaking nervous.

So last night sucked. I hate issues. I hate drama. BLAH! i might not be on here for a while because im going to be out and i duno.. maybe i will be because ill be bored out of my mind not being about to do crap.

Whatever i expect visits... because i cant go out for like 2 weeks. And we are having movie weeks. yay! lots of ice-cream! love love love! tata!

Cant Sleep..

so as of now, i have surgery TOM (wed) .. and im freaking out. im such a baby. blah. i hate being put to sleep without it being natural though, hahahaa. i mean passing out is better than that. Whatever. So relationships come and go.. and all i ask is for friendships to remain. Dont let go of that. i needa drive, but im tired. i wanna talk but i cant . i keep so much to myself because i dont want things to get harder. blah blah blah .. this is my theme for this situation.

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanke
tBut Ive got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

Marla

UPDATE YOUR BLOG. the end.

Im trying to find the words to say to you,
Im trying to feel the things you want me to.
But the words wont come out, and the feelings are blown away..
maybe the wind will show us the way.

The skys are so clear, but the moment you look away they turn dark..
you try to avoid the rain, but the rain pours and drowns the spark.
You try to conceal the damage, but the damage wont leave...
everything we had and everything we knew behind, so for now we must perceive.

Percieve the thoughts, of what we have and make love happen again.
Maybe the timing was never right, even though we thought it could've been.
The skys will clear, and the sun will shine through,
and then will be the time to start over with a clear view.


BLAHHHHH!!! my life. then end.
Surgery - 1 day left to go. 26 hours left til i cant eat for like a week! wonderful!
Ali- where is she? I miss her! blah!
I washed my car today and its shiny, i pretty much love it!

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it okay I miss you
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
They lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever I know we were Yeah, yeah
And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
Yeah When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it ok.. I miss you

So... Im making it out alright. I have been better, but im making it. YAY! =/. Surgery is in 3 days. =[. .. if only i had someone to take care of me blah. ha. Thursday was fun, and interesting. I love MAC. Oh today, i had a wonderful interesting scary ass day... My kitten thats like 6 weeks old almost died... someone in my family decided to put dog flea and tick control on the poor thing, and it started having convulsions for like 3 hours really bad, that i had to like sit there with it, it started foaming at the mouth and its eyes were dialated.. we thought it was gonna die, but then it started coming back around, thank god, its still shaking but its doing MUCH better. so scary. ugh.

Tomorrow is my last day off before i go back to work tuesday and have my tonsils removed wednesday. I HATE IT! ugh! BUT i do get to go see someone tom, which im pretty excited about.. and i GET 2 DAMN WEEKS OFF for surgery.. yyyyyaaaaaaaaassssssssss!

i need to write more seriously. i swear.

life. love. beginnings. endings.

When all else fails, something will to begin.
Change is good. Life is good. Let go, live.
Advice is worth listening to from people that have been or are in the same situation,
all the other bull ... forget.
Good things come when you least expect them. stop searching. let it come to you.
Let your heart heal, let your mind at ease, stop the tears.....
life goes on, when all else has ended.
At the end of every road, there is a beginning.
You have to forget your heart, leave it at the end.

because if you dont, you will never know what you had.
But then again, you cant lose something that you never had, right?
"You cant make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can BE loved.. the rest is up to the other person to realize your worth."
Big girls dont cry.


Da Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
Your probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself instead of calamityPeace, Serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But Ive got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry Don't cry Don't cry

The path that I'm walking
I must go
I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
Ill be your best friend and you'll be mine
Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if u want to
Cause I want to hold yours too
Well be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But its time for me to go home
Its getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself instead of calamityPeace, Serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with youIt's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry Don't cry Don't cry La Da Da Da Da Da


LOVE IT ! ... thatll be all for now. Splash tonight with my doll megan! YAY!

when not-so-perfect, really was perfect.

When you realize that not-SO-perfect really was perfect...What do you do?
Get over it, and move on, or wait for it to come back around?
Would there ever be a chance again, or is it all just a memory?
When goodbye was never there to start with, was it ever really over.. or did it ever begin?
Do you give your heart to someone else, or let it mend for a while alone?
Is it wrong to date other people if your still not over someone else? .. (yessss)
Do you do it? (probably)
Should you feel like an ass about it? (probably)
All about love. Love, is so confusing and dramatic.
Really.

Me.. im trying to find myself again. I have surgery in a week, that in pretty much dreading but in the same sense im SO EXCITED for (because i get like 2 weeks off of work.. fucking right!) And hopefully i can get some thinking, cleaning, moving, drawing, tanning, car washing, photos, school.. done, and catch up on my life. HOPEFULLY i will get another job soon. hopefully.

Die hard, was amazing, as i thought it would be. Bruce willis is amazing. The end. Cant wait till tom night, movie night yay!

Today, for the fourth was fun, i got to spend time with family and friends of the family, that i never really get to see, so that was always a good thing. I got somewhat of a little tan =]. and that makes me VERY happy, because i feel like i should be tanning everyday instead of working, like most normal 19 year olds. ha. but whatever, at least i make money, right?

whatever. im going to bed, good night for now!