So once again,
My mawmaw is not doing very well.
She has been having really high fevers, and her right leg is discolored and really cold and she also has a "gargle" in her throat, which she cant get rid of... cant eat, cant drink (Much).. so shes not getting her meds. ... . Which they say is all part of the dieing process.,, which sucks!!
I cant imagine my life without her. I know that it has to come to an end... but endings SUCK! I dont want to live without her, it makes me sick to think that I cant go to the nursing home and visit her, or talk to her, or have the HOPE that one day she can get better and come home and live with us again. It hurts so much..
But then I think about the positive ness that has already happened, and it makes me so proud to have such a strong lady as my mawmaw. She has made me such a strong person, and she gave me my mom.. who is also a strong beautiful woman. Without my mawmaw, I would not be who i am. She raised me as a kid, and spoiled me ROTTEN! I dont want to let her go, but I know I have to. I try to suck up my tears, but sometimes they just have to run down me. The hardest part of my life is about to hit me... and im so not ready for it.
But sometimes the most scariest things, are the most meaningful. I dont want to leave her, I dont want to not have her hereeeeee, but Ill be strong and I know that she has made me who i am, and I can do this without her... even though i dont want to. I know she will be in my heart and soul forever, but its not the same as having her to hold, and see everyday. ITS JUST NOT!
GOD please help her.. please be with her. Please be with me and my family.
This hurts.
This is love.
This is pain.
This is sorrow.
This is heart ache.
This is scary.
This is everything I have never wanted.
This is life.
I LOVE YOU MAWMAW!
What makes me MISS JACI LAYNE
- Jaci Layne
- Louisiana, United States
- Hey There! The names Jaci! - Pleasure to meet ya! I am me. Thats all there is to it. I have a TRULY FREE SPIRIT. I have troubles, but theres nothing that i cant overcome. I will cry but i will always be happy. Life is all what you make it to be. I am not scared, and try everything.. because the SCARIEST things are the MOST worthwile. I love to think of life as theories. Unpredictable, but true. I dont live for anyone else but ME. Because in the end how I lived my life is all that matters. Everything happens for a reason. Only those who believe ever see what they dream, ever dream what comes true. i will always run with my dreams. I LOVE JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING! Im usually friends with everyone i meet. Every person that has been part of my life, has taught me many things & given me SO MANY MEMORIES! Im a very busy person, but i like it that way. When i transfer schools i would LOVE to go back to NORTHWESTERN and CHEER again! Thats where my heart & soul is! EXPERIENCING EVERYTHING POSSIBLE. Changes are all about your Passion. Passion is Beauty. Beauty is Love. Love is Life. The end.
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Hey girl. I'm sorry to hear about your maw maw. It is very hard to let go. I use to be very close with my grandpa. He was very healthy until he found out that he had colon cancer. He passed away shortly after. I took that very hard. As much as you may not beable to fully understand what I mean right now, the pain does go away over time. It takes awhile but it goes away. You have to look at it this way. She's just going home. Its hard to see them to leave from our lives, but have faith. She will be in a better place, a place without pain and a place that will make her herself again. Also in a place where she can watch over you and your whole family at once. One day she may not be with you phisically, but she will come visit you in your dreams just to remind you that she still is there. My grandpa came to visit me a few times in my dreams. Once we just sat there having a conversation and another time I saw him fishing with a friend of his in a beautiful place. Its going to hurt hun, but one day the pain will go away, you just have to remember to have faith that she will be in a better place. If you ever need anything or a shoulder to cry on you can call me or luke anytime. We love you girl. Take care
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